You all know what i mean, right?
We all have that one friend that you can't decide whether you love her (or him), or hate her (or him).
Usually it balances out in the end, but for this "bestie" of mine, it definitely does not, and that's where i know to draw the line and say, "good riddance!" because as long as i hate her more than i love her, this friendship is one that is doomed to fail.
Now, if any of you remember my posts from a long, long time ago, about a girl i name "Mango," then that's her.
As a general premise, the two of us are a pair of dysfunctional "best friends."
I don't think we're really good friends, or even friends in general, but she dubs us "besties" and so i'll roll with it.
Why don't i think we're friends?
I'd argue that we're more like sisters. The first year i met her, we were like friends. We talked, we had fun, we enjoyed our time together.
After that, it all went downhill. She doesn't confide in me, we can't talk about the random, silly things that friends tend to talk about, and right now, i feel we're more like sisters that rely on each other instead of connect with each other.
It's been a fun (albeit extremist) ride, but i'll be glad to say goodbye and go my own way once the year fades away.
Without further ado, here are 10 reasons why i hate my bestie, and 5 reasons i love her.
1) She is a hypocrite
one type of person i've always disliked was the hypocrite. i dislike how with her, there are lists upon lists of things that i'm not allowed to do, things that she won't support, things she'll get mad at me for doing, but once you turn around and it's her doing those things, one little comment from me and she'll bust into a "oh, don't be so sensitive!" mode.
a non-extreme example is how when she has nothing to do or doesn't want to do anything, she demands my full attention. computer? put it away. phone? put it away. food? put it away. i must, i absolutely must, have my entire attention on her. turn the dial, and if she's the one with the computer, the phone, the food, and i'm bored as all hell, she'll ignore me and all my needs. "come on, let's go eat. you can still surf the internet." "no! i don't want to!" she'll childishly exclaim back to me.
2) She has "Princess Syndrome"
or in other words, 公主病. perhaps my definition will not be the most accurate, but she is someone who believes that she deserves all the best, and will never be thankful for anything that she receives. i cannot count the number of times that she has taken me for granted. "write my essay." "call (so and so) for me." "bring this to my locker." sure, she says please and thank you, but is she really thankful? She's just glad to have someone that is compliant enough to deal with that sort of BS.
besides, whoever's heard of someone that cannot call another person by themselves, who cannot walk to their lockers, among a huge list of other things? she is not a princess, and i am not hired help. it wouldn't be half as bad if she did things for me also, but everytime she does me a favour, she insists for something in return. she claims, "you owe me." when everything i've done for her could exceed what she does for me, a thousand times over.
or how she will turn up her nose and command me to do things without being the least bit thankful. just today, i had to talk in her favour to a couple of girls who wanted to use the seminar room that we were in. she adamently stared at her computer while i made excuses for her. not even a 'thank you' in sight once i was done. just because you're in a bad mood doesn't mean that you can pass up your manners. you're not a princess. you don't live in a palace. this sort of behaviour is absolutely unacceptable and once i am done with her, i will never, ever, ever (Taylor Swift style, ever ever ever) be friends with someone like that, EVER AGAIN.
3) She is selfish
everything has to be about her. it's all about her. nobody can be higher or better than her. she's got to go first, be first, and be the most respected. if those merits are her own by her own hard work then i've got nothing to say. but she appears are better, best, the top, by pushing others down. or primarily, me, as to her i am simply her lapdog. i'm the one constantly by her side, and thus, the one she possibly compares herself most to.
i can straight out say, there's nothing to compare to. yet, time and time again, if i'm sad, she's definitely got to be sadder. if i'm angry, she's got to be more angry. if i'm hungry, she's got to be more hungry. if i'm happy, she's got to be happier. everything and everytime.
just awhile ago (this is also another mild case, as to not completely blow your mind), i was just rejected from a volunteer program that i wanted to be a part of. the wound is fresh in my heart. i tell her so, and her response is, "i got waitlisted for the program i wanted to be a part of!" and made a huge deal out of it for the rest of the day.
and not to mention the countless times she insists on borrowing my computer, my phone, to play stupid games like 2048 (okay, i enjoy it personally, but if she's going to be hoarding my computer's battery just to satisfy her need for it? nu-uh!) while in return she makes it a huge deal about how generous she is whenever i want to borrow hers. (or flat out refuses. "i need to keep it 100% charged! it's almost out of battery!" bullshit excuses like those).
corelated to this but not connected, is her use of whining to get what she wants. want my computer? "pleaaaaaaase!! pleaaaaaaaase!! pleeeeeeeeeeaaaassseeeeeee! just this once, i promise!" (well honey, you've said that line half a million times already. i'm not so trusting as to believe that this truly is "one last time"!) and if i ever refuse she stomps away, furious that i won't let her use MY electronics, and will give me the cold shoulder for the rest of the day, as if it is MY fault.
another example - i had a drama rehearsal with my team while we had a kindergarten buddy meeting. i tell her i'll be down in fifteen minutes. she keeps screaming, "NO!!!" and later switches tactics to, "You're so selfish!" (To which i respond, "why? how am i selfish? I'm selfish for being there for my team when they need me?") "well, you're not being there for me! that's selfish!" (how i was tempted to yell back, "then the selfish one is YOU!" but i held myself back. not to mention the repercussions if i don't show up for that class…! not that she gives a damn.)
4) The way she treats her boyfriends / ex-boyfriends
i'm not expert on this subject. i have never been in a relationship before. so perhaps in a way, my view on having a boyfriend is very naive, and very childish. but what i do believe, and i hope to always believe, is that relationships are mutual, and that love is the most important thing. frankly, i don't believe in chivalry. i believe in being equals. which is why her treatment of her boyfriends or her attitude towards her ex-boyfriends, PISSES ME OFF.
her demand towards her boyfriends are entirely too much. she's materialistic. they do all sorts of nice things for her, but she never appreciates the things they do. flowers, chocolates, bears, she has them all, but while she says "thanks!" to them, she turns around and starts complaining to me.
it is especially her treatment of a recent ex-boyfriend that irks me the most. and by recent i mean SEVERAL MONTHS. truth is, people fall out of love. (truth is, sometimes people can't put up with your bullshittery?) truth is, everyone ends up getting a new significant other.
and even now, several months later, she is still whining about the same ex-boyfriend. she was the one who suggested that they break up. he took it in stride, going on his merry way without kicking up a fuss. he finds a new girlfriend, one that i don't know personally. but from what i hear, she appears to be a very sweet person, and he loves her. now, Mango is constantly whining about him, in his finding a new girlfriend, in the things she does. she claims that he is rubbing his new love in her face.
and she said to me, and i quote, "i don't love him anymore, but it bothers me." ("what do you want? to get back together with him?) "no, i don't. i don't love him. i just want him to love me." ("so, what's the issue here?") "i want to ruin his life! I want him to always be unhappy because he can't have me!" (like, whoaa girl, rein in your horses. sure, it's natural to feel bitter about break ups, but if you truly loved someone, you'd wish for their happiness right? besides, it was YOUR idea to break up. i'm sure that the poor boy would still be with you if you hadn't suggested such a thing.
5) Denial
i'm all for admitting one's flaws. we're all flawed. that's what makes us human, and that's what allows us to move forth in life, and become out best self. that's why i hate denial. i won't deny the fact that sometimes i'm in denial too, but she really takes it to an extreme. she'll deny the things that i remember her saying, her doing, and even my feelings. how can she deny that? how can i tell her, "you made me feel upset. frustrated." and have her say, "no, that's not true. no you don't." ?
in her memory, she is always the one that is wronged, and not the one that has done something wrong. she'll deny everything, even things that she herself said. "it's a joke," she'll say, "I didn't mean that," she'll say.
another example - once we were sharing a hotel room during a conference, and she told me she was sorry. that she's been aggressive lately. that she hopes that i won't hold it against her. that she doesn't understand why she's aggressive but she is. time-skip a few days, we're sitting in class and i'm pissed off because she does her "pleeeeease! pleaaaase! pleaaaaase!" to play a game of 2048 on my computer, so i'm sitting there all moody. (I even told her that i would get her computer from her locker for her, but she made some bullshit excuse about not wanting her computer in that room).
then she says, "i feel as though there is tension between us." (like, DUH! i'd be a saint if i weren't pissed with you and your cruddy attitude. not that i'd admit that to her face, but, it's true). and i tell her, "well, that's because you've been aggressive lately. and i'm naturally quite passive aggressive. and that doesn't fit well together." and she instantly springs on the defense and says, "since when am i aggressive? huh? huh?! give me an example!" "uh… well, you were the one who said so…" "THAT'S A JOKE!! don't you understand what a joke is?!" (the conversation goes onto me saying, "fine, i'm just tired and confused then." and she yells, "WELL I'M MORE TIRED AND CONFUSED THAN YOU ARE."
the denial thing has to be one of the things that i dislike the most about her. i revel in flaws. i love flaws. it's not my "good points" that make me special, it's my "bad points." if she'd not deny things, if she'd admit them, i'd have a lot more respect for her.
6) Her hate for kids
i love kids. i cannot stress that enough. I LOVE KIDS. i find them adorable. even though there are brats out there that i can't deal well with, i still love kids. i have 4 younger cousins and even when they piss me off, i adore them, i love them to pieces. and maybe it's the fact that i have little cousins that i love, that i am unable to stomach her attitude towards kids.
for her, it's all about appearance. it's not beyond her to comment, "look, look at that. if that were my kid, i'd starve her. i'd hate for my kid to look like that."(if i give her an incredulous look, she'll demand, "what, wouldn't you?! do you WANT a fat kid?!" like, no, i wouldn't explicitely wish for a fat kid, but if s/he were fat, i wouldn't give a crap! that'd be my kid, and i love her the way she was!) or our kindergarten buddy, on the other hand. i find the kid absolutely adorable. sure, she's bratty sometimes, but she's just the sweetest little thing, whereas she is constantly bashing on a frikkin' FIVE YEAR OLD CHILD. "i hate her," "she's ugly," "she's noisy," "she doesn't speak," "i just hate her so much!" things like that.
once we were making a card for the little cutie pie. for christmas. Mango explicitely tells me to draw an ugly picture for her, and to draw thieves stealing her presents. another time, she pouts for an hour straight because the kid wouldn't give her the glue cap.
the child's five. she's adorable. and Mango has the nerve to constantly bash on her. i find her hate for children unnatural. it's one thing to dislike kids as a general, but i don't think that anybody in their right mind would constantly and openly make such cruel remarks about a child.
7) Pointing fingers
one of the things that makes me lose respect for someone the most is when they point fingers. throw blame around. put others under the bus. and she is one that is an expert at this. it's never HER fault, of COURSE not. she's the princess, how can it POSSIBLY be her fault?
i think that if it comes down to it, the best thing to do is to admit that you make a mistake, learn from it, and move on. there's no need to blame others for your failures, for your mistakes. the way she always shifts things around is infuriating. it ties into being hyprocritical as well. if i forget something she'll never let me live it down. if she forgets, she'll get mad at me for remembering it in the first place.
she's even attempted to pin the blame on me for a class i'm not even in before. apparantly it illicted a laugh from the class, and i do find it hilarious that she'd even go that far to try blaming me in a class i don't take, but at the end of the day, the deal is that she cannot accept that she did something wrong, and has to throw me under the bus.
or how many times she's accused me, shifted the blame to me. it's all MY fault in her world. everything is MY fault. if something goes wrong, it's because of ME.
8) The inability to talk
What's the use in a friend that you can't talk to? one of the major components that makes me resent her is the ability to talk. i cannot bring up a random subject because she won't accept it. she'll turn up her nose. she'll smirk. she'll call me stupid. we can never talk about something i want to talk about. we talk about what SHE wants to talk about, or she just ignores me completely.
What's the use in that? I don't want to constantly be the one listening. I want to have my opinion heard once in awhile too. And whenever we're together and with others and i speak out, or if i am having my voice her, she is usually eager to drag me away or to oppose my words.
or whenever we are sitting together, or i say good morning. we don't talk. it's a simple nod. i despise that. especially if she's in a bad mood, then she'll not talk at all. she'll pout and sulk the entire day.
also inc corelation but not directly related? She loves making weird sounds and swatting me, for no apparant reason. "Nnnnghh!!" and then a quick slap on the arm. like sure, that doesn't seem to make you look stupid at all. Or how she constantly yells "WAIT FOR ME!!" while giving me an ugly, strict face, even though i haven't moved at all. Tourettes much?
again in corelation but not directly related - she constantly yells at me for using my "kiddy voice" to talk to our kindergarten buddy. (higher pitched, sweeter, the baby voice), while whenever she calls her mom or talks to her online friends, she uses this sickeningly sweet, bubblegum-Asian, Japanese-idol-group voice that sends shivers up my spine. What, i can't do it but she can? Geez.
9) She's racist and homophobic
in a way i suppose that if it is her own choice that i have nothing i can say for it. but i do not believe that race of sexual preference can possibly make anyone "lesser than." ultimately, we're all human. we all have hopes and dreams and fears and regrets. how can she possibly judge someone based on their skin or on their sexual preference? what does it matter if a person is black, brown, yellow, white, or anything in between? what does it matter if a guy likes a guy, or if a girl likes a girl, or if a guy feels like a girl, or vice versa? are we not all human?
i wouldn't be as offended by this if she didn't explicitely state it. i wouldn't feel so bad if other people actually AGREE with her. maybe it's a cultural thing, i wouldn't know. for me, i do know i have a lot of prejudices as a result of what my family believes in, or is against. but that doesn't stop me from at least treating them as humans. i try not to badmouth them behind their back. (okay, i admit, sometimes i do, but that's a whole other blog entry in itself).
what i remember the most is an issue about Japan. it particularily stuck by me because i love Japan. (yes, yes, refer to the weeaboo post). it's one thing if she insults me personally, but it's another if she brings my family into it. or their background. whatever.
i remember she was yelling "ri! ri! ri!" (日) in Mandarin (in regards to her ex) and when i asked her about it, she said it was a bad word. And then she said, "it's a bad word because it's part of 日本!" (Japan). i can say that i was beyond shocked. not just because i love Japan, not just because i have extended family members who are Japanese, but simply because of the ignorance that this sentence evokes. as though there is something WRONG with another nation. no. simply NO.
sure, we can bring culture into things. maybe it's the way she was taught. but just because we are taught a certain way doesn't mean we ought to blindly accept it. shouldn't we question the validity of the things we are taught? question the motives, the deliverer?
and what about her blatant homophobia? what's wrong with loving the same gender? love is blind, is it not? shouldn't you love somebody for their personality, for who they are, rather than their genitals?
10) She has no drive, no passions. among many more.
ten things honestly is not enough to sum up all the things that i resent about her. we've done "friendship therapy" before - listing things we liked and disliked about each other. she had a list of at least 40 things i hated about her. but i think these 10 things emcompass most aspects that i dislike.
and this tenth one is a little bit of a preference. but it irks me that she has no true desires from life, no true passion. if that is so, then aren't you just existing, and not really living at all? This is just preference, of course.
but i believe that it is crucial to have passions in life. to have hopes and dreams. if we walk in the same rut day after day, then where do we find ourselves? shouldn't we at least try to claw our way out of that mundane life? even just a tiny spark of passion is enough. whether it be shopping, gaming, writing, designing - anything works, as long as its something.
1) Hard-Working
while she denies being hard working ("oh, i NEVER study!", among other phrases) i can see that she actually is a hard worker that cares about her studies. i find this very admirable. to be able to sit down and concentrate on such a boring thing, and come up with such elaborate lab reports and what not, i find that very, very admirable indeed.
i love people that work hard. i love it when people give it their all, give it their best, and put their heart into doing something. it's something that dazzles me every time.
no matter how much she denies it, this is a trait that i definitely admire. if only i could be as hard working as she is, i'm sure i would be able to make everyone proud. (and finish things that i start).
2) Cleverness
i'm not sure if this is her or me, but i find it clever that she somehow has the ability to balance love and hate with me. she'll piss me off and piss me off but then turn a switch and make her love her by acting all sweet and caring and having a meaningful conversation.
if this is her doing (as opposed to me simply forgetting) then i admire the cleverness that it takes. i wouldn't be able to do that. i wouldn't be able to play the puppet strings in the way that she does.
3) Her Persistance
yeah, it gets annoying when her persistance is "pleeeeeease! pleeeeeease! pleeeeeeease! last time i promiseeeeee!" but in a way, it really is admirable. to care so little about how ridiculous it makes you sound, to constantly repeat the same things, again and again, without fail, until you get the outcome you want.
that's pretty cool in itself, isn't it? "fake it till you make it", after all!
4) Mutliple Personalities
i guess we're all chameleons. we act certain way around certain people and then not in front of others. but i find that she's a master chameleon. she has so many faces and standards that it's impossible to keep track of them all. that'd be a trait i'd love to be able to imitate.
5) Her Prettiness
yes, that's right. this lovely not so lovely friend of mine, is a pretty girl. That's one thing i'll always be envious of, that's how pretty she is. she's pretty and she knows it.
i wish i were, too.
Bonus: Why I Don't Leave Her
it's beacuse i'm weak. i don't know how.
i'm scared that if i rock the boat before the year ends naturally, that i'll end up friendless, or worse. (she does have video footage of me acting like an idiot). i'm scared of her.
i don't like rejection.
im scared of her power, of how she is able to stay on my mind so long after we have parted ways.
frankly, i'm terrified of her.
which is probably why she plays me like a puppet on a string. probably why she's so incredibly over-controlling with me. (and when i say over-controlling, i do damn right mean over-controlling! she'll even go as far as to tell me what i can and cannot eat, when we used to go to McDonalds for lunch…! "no ice cream for you!"
Well, i guess that's that.
There's so much more going on these days, with Mango.
I hope this list helps you, as the reader, to identify the bad friends in your life. and to realise that you can't keep 'em all.
sometimes, it's just time to let go.
and trust me, it'll make your life a thousand times better once you do.
Ganbatte ne~!
<3
~Rena~~
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